Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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