1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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