Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
