How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
