explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
