Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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