i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
