i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
