The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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