If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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