I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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