I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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