i think i have two assholes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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