You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
