Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
