I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
