woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
