The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
