Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
