I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
