Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
