I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
