I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
