I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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