Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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