Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
