He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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