In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
