We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
