I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
