I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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