i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
