Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
