i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
