I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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