I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
