Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
