The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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