you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
