I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
