Someone shit on the floor
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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