You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
