Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
