we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
