if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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