she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As shirtless as possible
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
