Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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