Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
