i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
