I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
