and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
